Yes, my dear, everything does always happen at once

Yesterday was my first day back at work. It almost didn't happen.

The day after President's Day Miss G came home from day care with a temperature of 103.1 (which was gone the following day) and a cough. Vachel promptly got sick, followed by Little V getting sick as well. V couldn't seem to shake a horrible cough, although her temperature wasn't ever really high. I finally took her to the doctor, where she was diagnosed with RSV. We were five days into a generally seven day illness. That meant no day care on Friday. Luckily my girls have an awesome Nana, who cleared her schedule for Friday to do the important task of snuggling with my baby in a room with a humidifier. Even though my mom immediately said she could watch V, my boss almost got a telephone call at 10 PM (11 his time) telling him I couldn't do it ("it" being go to work while V was sick). I was quite literally in tears thinking about leaving her when she didn't feel well. Pretty much the only thing that got me in the car pointed towards Des Moines the next morning was the absolute faith that my mom was watching over her and nothing would happen. And on Monday day care will just have to deal with my 15 minute lecture on how she needs to be kept propped up and what to do during a coughing fit, as well as my subsequent phone calls to check on her. The teachers in the infant room are great and have a ton of experience with babies so they probably don't need my lecture, but they're going to get it anyway.

Poor sick kiddo

 In the midst of all of the sickness that hit my house (how I escaped I'll never know, but I'm knocking on wood as I type) all I could think about was how much everything would SUCK if I was trying to deal with all of this while working. I was sleeping in a recliner with V to make sure she was propped up. We could at least give G an organic cough suppressant designed for toddlers to help her sleep, but she was still waking up throughout the night. Vachel was no help. He worked from home one day and I came into our room while he was on a conference call to see him face down on the floor next to the phone. He was awake and participating when he had to, but he felt so horrible he couldn't even sit at his desk. Our kitchen sink started leaking all over the floor and into the basement. All of this is beside the point. My point is that in the middle of the night Tuesday I decided I needed a reward for making it through this week and going back to work so I ordered a box of Godiva Ultimate Dessert Truffles from my good friend Amazon, and due to the fantasticness of my Amazon Prime account knew my truffles would be here when I got home from work Friday. Vachel was feeling moderately better last night so I asked him to watch both girls while I went up to our Jacuzzi bath, lit some candles, poured a glass of wine, grabbed a book, opened my truffles, and set about relaxing.

Bath + Wine + Chocolate = Heaven

Did I mention this was Vachel's first time taking care of both girls without me running interference?

There I was, sitting in my well-deserved bubble bath, drinking wine and eating chocolate, when I can hear V start to cry. Then I hear Gus, the dog, sprinting past the door and down the stairs, followed by Vachel. A few moments later, V is still crying, and I hear, "Daddy, I have to go potty." Next thing I know Vachel is coming in, holding G's hand, trying to coral her towards the potty. G, however, was distracted by the fact I was in her bath tub. Vachel's face was absolutely comical. He was clearly stressed, trying to push one kid towards the toilet and help her while the other one was crying for a bottle. I had no intention of getting out of the tub, and he didn't ask me to. He looks at me, half panicked, and says, "Everything is happening all at once!" I started to laugh. He didn't find it that amusing. Welcome to my life!

I've noticed you can go for long stretches of time with nothing major happening, and then all of a sudden everything happens all at once. This isn't just with kids; you'll only spill coffee on your clothes when you're already running late. The dog only pees on the floor right before people come over to the house. I'm pretty sure it's one of Newton's Laws.  While this phenomenon isn't restricted to those with small children, I've noticed a definite increase in this type of situation with two kids. For example, while attempting to potty train G (while Vachel was gone for eight days--I was stupid) she pooped in her underwear. I plopped her on the toilet and ran to get wipes to clean her up. She then got off the toilet and finished her business on the floor. V started screaming because she needed a diaper change. My phone rang. Gus started barking. Trying to clean up her mess I clogged the toilet. Before that? Totally calm. G and I playing, V napping, Gus laying on the couch. 15 minutes after that, back to the status quo. But that 15 minutes...if there would have been any other adult in the vicinity I would have handed them both kids and the dog, told them there was a mess to clean up in the bathroom and I would be back in a few hours.

It's amazing how two people so skilled at prioritizing and dealing with multiple issues of increasing complexity at work can be so out-of-sorts when dealing with two small children and one dog. I at least have a measly 12 weeks of experience to fall back on when it comes to prioritizing (hint: the one who needs to go to the bathroom and not wearing a diaper always wins). But the look on his face as he tried to herd G towards the toilet while V screamed in the background...